Autumn Sunlight

I mowed the yard today.

Daylight Savings time being pushed off a week was BAD for me in the mornings. This is the time of the year when the days get shorter, and it's hard for me to drag myself out of bed in the morning if the sun isn't up yet. The sun sets earlier in the evening which makes yard work after work a pain to get to, especially if you have to rake leaves. I remember when Marie and I lived on a street covered with trees and I could come home from work when she was in class or working a part time job in the evenings and I would rake and bag leaves by myself and how lonely I felt knowing I had a wife but that she couldn't be there to help me. In the Winter... When I used to ride to work, when I felt like riding to work... I'd always feel like a mole going to work in the dark (I've said this before, I know) in the morning and then riding home as the sun was going down.

The best part of the year, the summer, with the longest days... Well, that was lost on me this year since those days seemed very dark to me after Marie filed for divorce. There were days when I would come home at 5:00 pm and go to bed at 6:00 pm because I just couldn't deal with reality. I still have days where I get in a funk, and I know that there will be times like that for me for a long time to come because healing is a lengthy process and just getting used to being yourself again is a difficult process.

Loneliness is hard for me. When I lived in college alone in an apartment my last year and a half I had a hard time dealing with the loneliness.

I've spent a lot of time with Courtney over the last four weeks or so, she has been a blessing to me. She's a wonderful woman, devout Christian, and has a beautiful heart. She's gone on a trip for a while (a LONG while) so here I am entering the darkness of winter again alone. I hadn't realized how much her company and friendship affected me, but we've got e-mail... I'll have to be content with that. I've got some good friends, and reconnected with some since the divorce thanks to MySpace (hah, I used to HATE MySpace). My friend Jennifer from High School/College and her boyfriend Kelly, my friend Chris from Junior High/High School, and my friend Larry and I have spent a lot of time together... We went to Disney World at the end of the summer in September. Friends enrich our lives, like family.

Anyway, on Sunday at Pinnacle Mountain the light was beautiful. Courtney was taking pictures, but the light filtering through the tree canopy was magical at the Arboretum. It was nice to spend that time with her.

I thought about taking the Buell out today, but the light is fading, and I don't feel like riding in the dark.