Thankfulness

I got up this morning, had breakfast and then wrote a list of things to do. I went out and fed the dogs, and went and took a shower. I was getting dressed for Church when I noticed the clock said 10:25 am, and I realized I was going to be late for church. I finished getting dressed and tried calling my dad, I figured if I was late I wouldn't get a seat... and it might look rude, etc... my mind kept going over negatives why I shouldn't go and then I thought to myself about how good I feel after Church. I thought about how much my week would be lacking if I didn't go, and something just told me that God wanted me there and he didn't mind if I was late. All of a sudden this peaceful feeling flooded over me, it was like the world was still. I made sure everything was in order and took off. I got there 5 minutes late, found a parking space on the gravel without any issue (much closer than the bowling alley) and while I was late it was very pleasant to walk in to the sound of people singing. There was a seat on the back row, it reminded me of Disney World and the special queue for Single Riders. I was smiling as I walked in.

The message was about Thankfulness...

It really spoke to me, because Pastor Rick spoke about how we think to ourselves about things we have... What a nice house, what a great wife, what a wonderful family, etc... all without the realization that these are blessings from God and that we should be thanking him for them. The message hit me, because literally one week before Marie told me she had filed for divorce I had just been thinking how I had a great wife. I'd always prayed for our marriage to survive, but why survive. I should have prayed for it to flourish... but I was merely content with survival. I had gotten so comfortable with my life, with my wife that I missed the signs things were going awry. If I had been thankful to God, then maybe I might have noticed those... but I don't think so. I think God didn't want Marie in my life, I think he knew that things needed to change. So now I'm single, divorced, and that's how life has to be.

God wanted back into my life too. I prayed morning and night, and prayed during the day. Nervous prayers, little prayers because life frightened me (it still does). Was I in Church though? No, I wasn't. I met Courtney on line She's a blessing in my life. She invited me to her Church, which is where I go now. She's a strong Christian woman, and has a good heart. I've had good examples in my life, my friend Michael and his wife. They're wonderful. My friend Rob goes to Church, and is faithful. I am thankful for these people because they are great examples and friends to me and I know they love me and pray for me. My dad loves me, and my sister does. I am thankful for family, friends, and coworkers I have always felt that life is better when spent with good people.

I thought Marie was good, and had hoped for a lifetime of love and happiness with her. When our 7 year anniversary happened in March she told me she hoped we'd have 30 more years. That was bitter for me when she filed for divorce in June. This thanksgiving will be a different one, since I won't be spending it with her and my family. So will Christmas. I hope her holiday season is a joyful one, that she finds happiness and is blessed. I had 7 wonderful years with her, and am thankful for that time together and am trying not to look back on it with too much sadness. I know that God has great things in store for me, I need only listen to him when he talks to me, when he nudges me, and gives me signs.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stephen